Scrolling through the lavish birthday parties, photo shoots and #goals posts that have recently been flooding my timeline, I find myself marvelling at how some people seem to have achieved so much by the age of 30. As a soon-to-be 29 year old, I didn’t consciously acknowledge how close I was to 30 until I woke up one morning with the sudden realisation that I had just over a year until I actually hit the big 3-0!!
Some may say turning 30 is just another birthday; age ain’t nothing but a number…bladiblah. But society has made much ado of it, plus there are a fair share of books, TV shows and movies surrounding this pivotal moment – leading to the weighty pressure of having your whole life figured out by 30.
My family has never put pressure on me to achieve anything by a certain time, and so much of it has stemmed from comparing my reality to the dreams and hopes of my younger self and also that inevitable measure of comparing myself to other people.
At 21, after securing a good education the world was my oyster, I could thrive anywhere I set foot. I envisioned hitting 30 with the sun behind me and a string of achievements under my belt. Now I know I’m not the only one who feels like the discrepancy between our dreams and our reality can be crushing. I can recall a colleague who spent her 30th birthday crying in bed because she felt like a failure. (Don’t do this!)
By 30 we think that we would have:
- Found the right partner to settle down with
- Had our first child
- Found a solid tribe to do life with
- Established a successful career with a 6 figure pay check
- Launched that business, album, charity…etc.
- Been featured on the Forbes under 30 list
- Bought a house (or at least saved up enough money to buy a house)
- Basically mastered the heck out of adulting
Most people can tick one or two of these; if you can do 3 or more, clap for yourself! According to the world’s standards, I probably should be married by now, started a successful business and travelled to at least 70% of my wish list destinations, but I haven’t. My ‘30 things to do before 30’ list stares at me disrespectfully like it knows it’s a challenge I can’t meet; wickedly strolling further away from me with an “I dare you to catch me if you can” trailing on its lips.
I had it all planned out in my early twenties, then somewhere along the line, the sequential parts of the plan stopped adding up. The plan of climbing my way up my career ladder became more entangled in work politics. My bold dreams and projects became weighed down by distractions and doubt.
Last, I checked there still seemed like enough time to conquer the list, but then I blinked and I seemed to have become overpowered by life and the speed of time.
Not enough time
I didn’t urgently pursue my goals, because I comforted myself with the idea that I still had time. Leonard Bernstein, a great American musician said that “To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time”. In Uni, I was often amazed by the number of sensible words I was able to string together the night before a deadline. However, these hurried projects were never my best work because I didn’t plan.
Also, being overwhelmed by not enough time could lead me to making the wrong choices such as marrying the next available man that smiles at me because I’m close to 30. Thus, it’s important that the feeling of not enough time is carefully balanced.
Late bloomer
In her Ted Talk, Meg Jay highlights that aiming to bloom by our thirties means there’s more pressure to do things that are simultaneously unattainable in a shorter space of time e.g. reaching the peak of one’s career and building a family. But we all know at least one person who is managing to pull this off and thriving, right?
Stan Lee, the creator of the Marvel Universe who just passed away at the age of 95, didn’t write his first comic until the age of 39! Jesus performed his first miracle at 30, and that wasn’t without some anxiety because even then he claimed it wasn’t yet his time. He might have felt turning water to wine at a wedding of all places, was well beneath his calling. I mean he was meant to heal, set free and deliver people yet his mother was asking him to make wine?!
I certainly can relate, I have dreams of creating successful companies but can’t seem to elevate myself beyond a certain level. I realise these are all male examples; so check out Julia Childs, the famous chef who didn’t learn to cook till 36 and JK Rowling who published Harry Potter aged 35 after several rejections.
The Push
There’s a clip of Oprah floating about the internet where she talks about the fact that no one, apart from yourself is able/responsible to help you. It sounds depressing before it’s empowering but, I agree with this sentiment.
We all need a little push.
Just like eagles coax their young out of their nests, sometimes after we’ve planned, prepared and positioned ourselves, we just need someone who pushes us to become – be that a parent, a friend, partner or mentor.
It is our responsibility to find those people, and with all this in mind, I am intentionally working to surround myself with supportive people. Armed with the right environment, clear plans and a balanced feeling of “not quite enough time”, I can now face the looming milestone that is turning 30 with more confidence and positivity. I still have a list but now it’s a “things to do as soon as you are able to” not a “By 30” list.
To conclude, allow me to share my learnings with you:
We do not all live life on the same timescale, some 21 year olds have lived enough life to fill 40 years and some haven’t. This is because, life presents itself to us with different opportunities and challenges.
Every day is a gift and is precious. I’m more concerned with filling every day richly with life and love and stretching the time by taking proactive steps to get closer to where I want to be.
Success should be defined in personal terms, rather than what everyone else seems to be chasing. So, starting a business shouldn’t just be a tick box task, but the result of personal convictions to deliver a service or product that can make people’s lives better.
The more goals left unticked before 30, the more I get to accomplish, with the richer experience and deeper confidence that life brings.
All that is left to say is: bring on the thriving thirties!
Still, we bloom.
