I first caught the travel bug when I graduated. At 22, I went straight into full time work; I felt stifled, limited in my career and watching friends travel the world and live their dreams. This led to me booking 2 weeks away on a whim, 1 week in New York and 1 week at a Drum and Bass festival in Croatia. They were eye opening experiences.
This then led to 2 weeks in Los Angeles, 1 week in Mexico and multiple weekends in Paris and Amsterdam…
Psychologist, Dr. Robert Holden defines Destination addiction as a ‘a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is somewhere else.’ Ultimately, ‘suffering from the pursuit of happiness’ in things, people and of course, places.
The term was coined as part of The Happiness project, warning escapists to beware of falling victim. ‘Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are’.
Looking back, I’ve always thought that reaching a certain point in my life would unlock a new level of happiness. As I got older, I often put these expectations on my career, physical appearance and personal relationships. Constantly linking my happiness to external factors that I felt limited my development. In doing so, I made it a priority to travel every year as much as I could; I had the money and no responsibilities so, why not?
Was this my form of destination addiction?
The feeling of being away gave me a new sense of self, I loved the excitement of switching-off from my routine life and letting loose; overindulging in all types of food, meeting new people and sometimes, just doing absolutely nothing. I always travelled with friends but never needed a big group.
As I continued to travel and explore the world, I started noticing more friends getting engaged, having children and starting what I thought was the next chapter. Subconsciously, I measured myself against those next steps and somehow felt inadequate.
Why?
I had just graduated with my Masters in Human Resources, I had the job of my dreams, my friendships were better than ever and my edges were finally flourishing. Yet, I felt inadequate because I was not making that next BIG step, or even close to it. So I asked myself: could I be using this form of escapism to hide deeper issues?
According to a recent article in the Guardian, many women are going through the exact same thoughts as they get older and enter a new era (The big 30!). Author Erika Sanchez notes the reflection period; ‘have I accomplished enough?’ ‘Am I where I thought I would be?’
What is it about turning 30 that has us all rushing to check off a list of experiences we believe we should have had?
With social media, television and what the media presents us, it’s so easy for us to subscribe to the perception of us needing to ‘have it all’ at this age. However, destination addiction can be an indication of deeper issues.
After a few disappointing birthdays and edging that much closer to 30, I decided to mark my golden year (I turned 28 on the 28th February) in the sun, by any means necessary, and booked yet another trip.
While this had everything to do with avoiding the cold weather, it also was a great distraction to the fact that I felt I was aging rather rapidly (and may or may not have found my first grey hair).
I decided to travel to Zanzibar by myself for 9 days. I didn’t expect to travel by myself for the first time, but I knew if I had waited for friends, I would be waiting forever. Zanzibar was an intense and amazing experience; it took me out of my comfort zone and I met some great people along the way.
I can’t lie, my first night, I was nervous. I arrived around midnight and my pre-booked taxi was nowhere to be found. Luckily, I met a Nigerian couple from London that I connected with, who were in the same position. We ended up taking a taxi together and exchanging details.
My birthday was spent travelling to Prison Island with Anu and Michael and learning the history of the island: finally, settling down for a rooftop dinner, Swahili style, overlooking the skyline in the heart of Stone Town.
I found that travelling alone forced me to be able to make conversations easily, and organically. I met two other girls from Germany, who I visited the local night market with. The food was delicious; grilled meats, pancakes and various soups for the locals.
I met various solo travellers from all around the world, Texas, Poland and Egypt. I had random nights of partial skinny-dipping (I may or may not have been the only one that was not naked) and fire-side drunken conversations.
The trip taught me many lessons. Although I met many people on the way, I was still able to have days of solace. I wrote out my goals for the year, the person I wanted to be and my intentions. I finally got to read Stephen Covey’s ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ and I was able to TRULY relax. I napped when I wanted to, ate when I wanted to and enjoyed my own company.
The 9 days flew by but I found myself getting anxious towards the end of the trip.
I snapped as many pictures as I could of the beach, to preserve the physical picture as much as I could the mental one, and to also give myself the option of a couple of #TBTs and #takemeback when the realities of life began to weigh me down. I felt refreshed, but the nagging feeling of returning home filled me with anxiety.
Settling back into my routine and life at home, Zanzibar felt like a lifetime ago. I found myself already on the hunt for my next holiday break; itching for the next high that would get me out of this routine rut I felt.
In today’s digital age of filtered images, altered realities and hash tag Travel Noire goals; escapism through travelling is something that many millennials, such as myself often take advantage of. A recent article by Psy Today highlights the link between social media and mental health issues such as depression and anxiety; further fuelling the need for escapism.
In the midst of planning my second trip, I suddenly felt tired. I realised that I was attempting to run (or should I say, travel) away from whatever feelings of inadequacy I felt within myself. I couldn’t travel and ignore these feelings forever. I had to look internally and understand the reasons why:
The first thing I did was to become emotionally aware. I couldn’t continue to compare my journey to others, just because I’m on a different path; this did not mean I was delayed. I became aware of my thoughts and negative self-talk, I combated this with getting closer to God and rebuilding my spiritual relationship. This has greatly reduced my feelings of anxiety. Every morning, I listen to a Joyce Meyer podcast, she speaks on enjoying the journey of where you are, on the way to where you are going.
I encourage myself daily, speak positively and remove anything that makes me feel like I am not enough. Whether that is a social media page of a girl-boss blogger with the perfectly ‘cropped’ life, speaking to that old friend that only contacts you when they want to brag about their achievements, or simply not allowing myself to wallow in self-pity.
Identifying my own form of destination addiction has allowed me to develop a better sense of self-awareness and focus of energy.
Time is the only luxury we are afforded and while travelling (for the right reasons) is a great experience, the feelings can indeed be fleeting and temporary.
I am now on the journey of being content at all stages, pit-stops and destinations.
It’s a constant battle and I continue to struggle every day, but I find that the first step is acknowledgement and the willingness to make a change. This article is in fact my first step.
Still, we bloom.
